Ok, so I was talking to my cool niece last month and she told me something that just cracked me up.
Are you ready?
Here goes:
Every teenage boy has a Zombie Escape Plan.
That’s what my niece told me. She was serious. And she thought it was just as weird as I do. (She doesn’t have one.)
Here’s how she found out about it. One day she was listening as two male friends of hers were comparing zombie escape plans. This was new to her. “Does every guy have a zombie escape plan?” she asked them.
“Well duh,” they both said, dead serious.
So she ran an unscientific survey
It was.
Every boy she asked said yes, naturally he has a zombie escape plan.
By now I was busting up. I told her well, at least I have a fire escape ladder in my 2-story house. I could use that as my zombie escape plan too. Her dad (my brother-in-law) said no: that’s lame. A fire escape plan does not serve as a zombie escape plan. As evidence he pointed to his own zombie escape plan: he will dance a jig. Because everyone knows a zombie cannot resist dancing a jig if he sees someone else doing it. But it doesn’t make a very good fire escape plan.
My niece said her dad was right. One boy in her survey said his zombie escape plan involved climbing up on the roof, which is usually not a good idea in a fire. At this point her younger brother, who’s also a teenager, piped up and said that after all, his zombie escape plan is to use a flame thrower. And that never makes a very good fire escape plan.
When I got home I googled it and found that there is even a web site dedicated just to this (side note: what did we ever do before the web?): http://www.zombieescapeplan.com. Except it’s made by a girl. So I guess at least that’s good because when the zombies attack some of the girls will be prepared.
I need a good zombie escape plan. What’s yours? Please comment below so I can get some good ideas.
April 16, 2008 at 3:35 pm |
Actually I think it was “I would dance Michael Jackson’s Thriller” not a jig, but close enough. And well placed WHOO HOOOs to alert others of the pending Zombie Invasion. ;-D
April 16, 2008 at 9:14 pm |
Oh yeah. I forgot. I always get Michael Jackson mixed up with RiverDance.
The rest of us appreciate the WHOO HOOOs so we’ll know it’s time to grab our flame throwers.
April 18, 2008 at 10:07 am |
Hide in the shopping mail with a helipad on top?
September 24, 2008 at 10:55 pm |
My zombie escape plan is that I would grab a gun, a 22, shot gun(with bird shot), and a pellet rifle. Along with a backpack full of about 2 weeks worth of food. Then I would head up into my neigbors huge pine tree, and wait it out and snipe out the zombies that come down my sreet, because zombies can’t climb trees.
I have another escape plan for if I was not alone. I would obtain a vehicle and head out to my grandma’s farm, head back into the woods with the guns and food, and hide out in our 16ft off the ground blind. Zombies stay in heavily populated areas so I know the woods is a safe bet.
September 30, 2008 at 3:17 pm |
I would use an escape ladder to get out of the second floor condo I live in with my backpack containing an emergency flashlight, fire extinguisher to blind zombies with and a sleeping bag. Then I would head out to the cleveland national forest and hide behind the waterfalls. No zombie is getting past the crazy indians at the reservation out there.
October 10, 2008 at 4:56 am |
I’d make sure that I had a machette or a bolo as a third back up. well noted that getting in a tree would hinder the zombies from reaching you, but if you had run out of ammo, you’d have to have some other way of defending yourself, a shovel would work good… or an axe… but that is all third hand… I’m glad that zombies aren’t fast…. but they usually move in groups… that could prove a challange if you didn’t have a battle buddy…. glad I was in the infantry…. and my friends have their own zombie plans.
*It’s good to think of this stuff… it adds to the monotany of a desk job*
October 10, 2008 at 4:58 am |
oh, and my rucksack is currently packed with all my old military gear…. it’d be a good back up…LOL… if I still fit in the clothes.
February 11, 2009 at 6:18 am |
i heard that zombies can run after you so i think it wuld be best to get all of the amunition you have and food you have and supplyies you have and put them into a basment or safe room or house and if youy live near a army base to see if there alive just listin and you wiull hear gernades and mashin guns so that is your best shot but dont get shot use a signale of some so they will know to keep the zombies away frome you unless the presedent orders a full extermabnation of all zombie infected areas then you have no chance you shulde stay at home get a gun anden dit right theere thats what i wulde do if i wasnt going to be rescued.
February 11, 2009 at 6:23 am |
and by the way its ellegel to have any assult wepon so if you have one at the time use it but after all that you might get thrown in jail so i wuld still do it hopefully you get bail tell the judg i saved the naborhood unless the whole naborhood is zombies lol.
March 3, 2009 at 8:58 am |
I’ve always wondered how they recognize the living.
They never seem to attack each other.
I would try to walk like them. Maybe they go by smell. What could I do to smell like a Zombie?
April 6, 2009 at 1:01 pm |
my plan is to go to kmart cuz everyone goes to walmart so the zombies would follow them then id barricade the door and go to the hunting section and take all the guns and ammo id need id also grab bats and other things then the other ppl with me would make a four level barricks that elevates 7 feet each level its a perfect plan
April 29, 2009 at 9:40 am |
my plan is simple save all my freinds go to woodbridge center mall and kill zombies till i die by suicide
May 26, 2009 at 3:02 am |
Countless scenarios for different situations. Though walmarts and target sound like great zombie defense locations both lack the high ceilings needed for hiding from zombies. Every plan needs a back up plan.
First: where ever you go, you will need transportation, food, and a good hiding location. Last time I checked there was 6.5 billion people on earth so 2 weeks of food or hiding of roofs ain’t gonna cut it. My plan is to get to the SAMS club near my house. If you ever been in one it’s a fotress. Food and supplies surrounded by concrete. Once your in find the manager on duty and explain the situation. Ask for the keys and codes to everything. Tell them to grab their families and you will basicly protect the fort. Once in you have to block off all entrances with the tires in the tire section. Stack until you fill the glass doorway area. Several walls of tower will keep them out along with “food travelers” (the unprepared traveling looking for new food spots ) make sure the vechicles you brought are in the garage area. Leave an emergency car in the trucking area in the back (backup backup plan). Once you’ve checked all doors and all weak points in your fortress. Begin the second phase which is creating a system of smaller areas within your compound. Try to create more block offs around the store. Using the pallets of products make walls and “zones”. Also SAMS has rows and rows of product. Create a “treehouse system between each row. In emergency
situations the floor is no longer safe. The treehouse should have food for living and ways to the outside car need to be possible from the roof. If you aren’t compromised live your walls with couches,food, tv, secruity, batteries, generators. Use the perishable foods or frozen foods first. Use a grill or the microwaves to cook. Everyone should sleep in the treehouse assuming you were able to save your friends and family. If the zombies aren’t elimated or die of starvation. Plan to spend the next 6 years there. So create democracy or a leader. Also plan for “food travelers”. Because there is no government anarchy is everywhere. People will use survival of the fittest alot. People will come for your fortress so be prepared to defend it from zombies and other people.
Of course if you wake up and it’s too late to do any of this. Your already in the stage where it’s outside right now. Stay in your homes and block off your doors. If you live on the second floor of the apartment destroy the stairs. Your gonna be here until you die. Which will be in 6 months because there is no food.
June 11, 2009 at 1:00 pm |
I have a Zombie Escape plan, it also serves me as a nuclear war escape plan, communism escape plan, global epidemic and meteor escape plan. The key is to avoid places with a lot of people, as even if you live through the crisis, there will be food and water shortages, outbreaks of violence, cannibalism etc. So get the heck away from everyone else. Bu you also need to go somewhere that is survivable year round. for example, stealing a boat and going to Greenland is not going to help you, once the winter set in, how will you eat? How will you stay warm? You need to answer these two questions first. Then you need to look at whether everyone else is going there, if you decide to go somewhere because it is close and isolated, so might everyone else in your area, bringing the problems you try to avoid with them (zombies, plague, asteroids etc.) Next, get yourself a gun and learn to fight, someone, somewhere on your journey of survival will try and take what you have. It happens right now, the difference in a disaster is there will be no police. So arm yourself and take no prisoners, anyone messes around, its better to feel guilty and wonder if you should have shot them, than get eaten or raped and eaten, or turned into a zombie. Last but not least, take a few friends or family members you can rely on, living on a deserted mountain top by yourself for decades is probably not going to be a very satisfying life, even if you are a survivor.
I would suggest learning to sail a boat. If you can sail a boat you can travel the seven seas indifinately, avoiding zombies and raiding coastal towns like a pirate for supplies! Yuo dont even need to own a boat, just steal it from a marina like in Dawn of the Dead.
October 13, 2009 at 2:22 pm |
well i havent made one yet but im starting a zombie club at my school and for our first meeting we are discussing our best zombie escape plans
October 21, 2009 at 2:16 pm |
i would go to the wlmart store, block the enterences and go back to the gun dep. and shoot the zombies or anyone trying to let zombies in. that way i would have food, internet, and a seat
lol…..